General Election - Candidates

There are two topics of conversation which should be avoided if you want to stay friends with your friends! Religion and politics. You will have noticed that this blog deals almost exclusively in both, and sometimes in the same article. This time, I want to help you to recognise the top players in our up and coming lottery, sorry free for all, sorry election! They are in no particular order of either significance or importance, or even integrity, and not to be taken too seriously!


The Conservative Party has David Cameron. I like his first name. When I see him in action on TV, he reminds me of a spiv who could be right in place in Dad's Army. He's got the well groomed look of someone who has a dozen watches strapped all the way up his arm, under his coat. He talks like he is giving you a deal you can't possibly refuse. A kind of 'fur coat, and no drawers' image!! (I stole that one from my mother).


The Labour Party has Mr Grey himself, Gordon Brown. He never looks well dressed, even in his best suit, and his hair always looks tossed. Or to put it another way, like a busted couch! He has a face and style for radio, not TV, and watch for the hinging chin! He is the serious one, even when he is trying very hard not to be!


The Liberal Democrats have a secret weapon in Nick Clegg. Actually, the secret weapon is really the treasury man, Vince Cable, but Nick hasn't tumbled to that yet. Nick strikes me as the wee boy in the big boys' playground at primary school. Desperate to play, but no one wants to have anything to do with him. He looks a bit out of place, and I think he even knows it.


Now the Scottish National Party has our own 'wee Eck' (remember Oor Wullie's pal?) Alex Salmond. Alex is always good for flashing a toothy grin for the cameras, with his head cocked cheekily as he enjoys the limelight. An easy way to recognise him is, when you see the paparazzi running, or the journalists rushing, then the wee guy chasing them for a picture is our wee Eck. He just loves the camera. Remember your 3 year old child who always seemed to see when the camera came out, and smiled like a Cheshire cat? Alex Salmond has never grown out of it.


Please note this should not be used as a guide to how you should vote. This has nothing to do with policy or substance, but in the absence of these things, should let you know who is who. It's just to give you the kind of insight on them that you won't get on radio, newspaper, or TV. Maybe now you will recognise them next time you see them on the box! 


May you enjoy, and use, your voting rights.... seriously!!