Guilt

Guilt is a funny thing and it doesn’t always hit you the way you might imagine, especially when you have not done anything that should make you feel guilty. This upside down guilt trip is often experienced by children caught up in a dysfunctional home who find themselves hurt or abused in some way, possibly emotionally or physically. The situation was out of their control, but still they have an unreasonable sense of guilt. One theory is that there is a figure of authority involved and the child doesn’t know how else to react, so they feel guilty.

In a similar manner, feeling guilty as a result of a figure of authority stepping out of line in another adult’s life can also make the victim feel guilty for bringing up a thorny issue in the first place. The offender doesn’t think they have said or done anything wrong, or else they would not have said or done that thing that hurts so much in the first place.

Deep inside, we carry certain firmly held beliefs which have been a significant part of our lives for many years. More years than you could imagine, and inside that ‘protected bubble’ is a part of you that no one should try to change, or even tamper with. Our faith is very like that because it is embedded in our very psyche, and means a great deal to us. In fact one of the benefits of belonging to a group of believers like a church, is that we are like minded. The same kinds of things disturb us, and encourage us. To the unchurched unbeliever we may look and sound the same, but it’s what is deep inside that makes us who we are on the outside.

Because these feelings are so deep and common, it is very seldom if ever that one of our church friends would step out of the same comfort zone. You would never expect a true believer to curse or swear for example and thankfully that seldom, if ever happens. What can happen however is that some find ways around it. Swear words can be partly spelled in a conversation, or abbreviated in print such as in the common OMG usage. The other method of deliberately stepping out of that normally safe ‘zone’ but without saying the curse word in the written form is to replace some or all of the letters with an ‘*’. That way you make it known what you mean, but are in the clear because you didn’t say the offending word. And it IS an offending word, even in non Christian circles. Everyone knows this. Why else go to the effort of playing games with the letters? In fact, what’s stopping that person from saying the swear word out loud, because we know they are thinking it?

There is little room for error when a phrase is used like, “What the ‘****’ .” I can only think of a few four letter words which would fit, they all involve swearing, and none of them are remotely pleasant or complimentary. I said earlier that this would seldom if ever come from a fellow believer, and thankfully that is true. But what if it comes unexpectedly from someone you look up to and respect? Now this is where the feeling of guilt comes in, even for a seasoned and mature believing adult. To bring this up with someone who obviously doesn’t see anything wrong, puts the pressure on the hearer who is offended and not on the one who said it, ie the offender.

There are two ways to handle a situation like this. Either head on, in a very confrontational manner, or apologise your way through the reason why you feel the way you do, ie you feel and show your guilt. We are taught from an early age to love one another, and love your neighbour as yourself, so tackling anything head on with any other believer goes against your heart and your core beliefs. What are you left with? A firm and unshakeable sense of unnecessary guilt….and a question that will not go away, which no one can answer.

Having said that, there is another way, but it’s the hardest of all. By showing the same grace and forgiveness that God has extended to us. Does that let them off the hook? Yes it does, however forgiving feels good and right, but even more than that, we are reminded in Genesis 18:25 “Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?” So it’s much better to leave it in God’s hands to sort out in the affected hearts.

Comfort Zone

What’s the difference between our ‘happy place’ and our ‘comfort zone’? I thought they were one and the same place, but maybe not. It seems we are allowed, perhaps even encouraged to have our personal ‘happy place’ to call our own where we can retreat from the cares of this world and rest content at least for a while. We can’t stay there forever and we know it, but it is a comfort to know our happy place is there.

On the other hand, we are oftentimes pushed to get out of our ‘comfort zone’ because it isn’t such a good place to be. We need to be uncomfortable to the point of not having one and being unsettled because it means we are not making a difference to people and the world around us. Staying in our comfort zone makes us lazy to the needs of others who are not a part of our ‘group’ or church and after all, we want them to join us. How will others know the truth if we don’t share our story with them? I get that, but…..

Can I suggest that many people have made a conscious decision to change the place they once called their comfort zone, and it had not been a good place. It may have been the only place they knew of where they could retreat to escape from the cares of this world. Maybe that comfort zone once included drugs, alcohol, nicotine, or having a double or secret life. Then having seen the difference a life in Christ can make, some of us swapped our old comfort zone to a new one which really is a comfort, and not just a temporary happy place escape. Why then should I leave the comfort zone which became my much needed retreat and yes, even my Saviour? Is it then so wrong for our ‘happy place’ to become our safe and secure ‘comfort zone’? I don’t think so. You?

Hope

And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.          1 Thessalonians 4:13 NLT

Funerals seem to come in groups, and as you know none are happy affairs. In my time, I have attended several from the soul-less and God-less humanist ‘service’ right through to the joyful celebration of a life lived to the full and lived well. I know a man who became a military chaplain partly because of the question that haunted him: “Where are they now”?

Don’t you think we take some things for granted? For example, life? More so, the Christian life? When we are young, we feel invincible and untouchable and slowly over the years we become more aware of our vulnerability and mortality. Those feelings touch everyone, and it’s just part of life. But do you and I take our Christian life for granted too? That is, if you think of yourself as a Christian (with a capital ‘C’) and not a nominal christian (with a lowercase ‘c’).

Being a Christian makes the biggest difference when you go to a funeral, whether family, a friend, or a casual acquaintance. Does anything ever strike you during the service in church, or the crematorium? How well the songs and hymns are sung. The atmosphere that lingers underneath the outer human grief. The sure and certain knowledge that this still living soul is now in heaven with their Lord and Saviour. Don’t try to tell me it doesn’t matter because it certainly does.

As a believing Christian every one has the cast iron assurance of an eternity in heaven, not only with their Christian loved ones, but with the author of their salvation. I know the minister will always do his or her best to ease the pain of the grieving family and friends, but there is a limit to what they can truthfully say. However there is no limit to the positive words anyone can use to describe the benefits of the faithful believers. Because beneath the temporal tears of the mourning loved ones, lies the certainty of the joy that they have been welcomed to a reward in Glory that we cannot adequately describe.

Let’s do the minister a favour and live life so that he can tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth at our own ‘going away’ celebrations!

Shame

It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. Ephesians 5:12

This world is full of double minded people who say one thing but do the opposite. I know Christians get that thrown at them all the time, but those who do not claim that particular ‘high ground’ are much worse and probably even bigger hypocrites.

There are two very different worldviews being shown and presented on our media, especially the TV and movie industries. In one instance, our eyes and ears are filled with stories of the sordid lives of the rich celebrities who have an openly hedonistic lifestyle, where practically nothing is off limit. We watch as their lives are exposed to the scrutiny of the camera wielding movie maker, and tut as we shake our head. That’s a terrible way to live, we mutter under our breath, but it doesn’t stop us from checking out what they are up to in their next movie or TV soap. At the other end of the scale, in the real world we have reports of sexual abuses against the most vulnerable in society, even some who are under age. Once again, we tut and shake our head while continuing to watch and follow the very things that we claim horrify us.

While these reports are normal viewing, and we feign our horror, we are happy to watch the ongoing soaps and movies of ungodly lives who represent a lifestyle we appear to secretly like enough to follow. We like the action we say.

The other worldview is of openly Godly and wholesome living. We call these programs and movies ‘soppy’ or only for the soft headed women. However, they usually carry a strong moral message, or a clear portrayal of good values that triumph over bad. Why then do we avoid owning up to preferring this worldview? If we profess to be a Christian we don’t need to worry about what the ungodly are doing in secret. Or are we afraid that our worldly pals will think we are going soft?

Omniscience

But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. Job 23:10 NLT

Some very clever theologians who hold to the belief that God has given man Free Will, have a problem with God’s Omniscience. The basic thought goes something like this: If we really do have free will, and it is independent of God’s desire, how can God know what we will do, until we do it? Only then can He react and step in. You will probably have to read that a few times to let it sink in.

Psalm 139 gives us a clear insight to God’s undisputed omniscience. He will not determine our path, but God certainly knows it. In fact it is clear that God knows our every path. This may disturb you, but for my part it gives great comfort. Here are some verses from Psalm 139 which support that claim:

V2-4 “You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.”

I see this as a reference to the present and the future.

V6,7 “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?”

Unfortunately, I see and read of some very learned professors using their own education and reasoning to figure out God while cherry picking their own Bible thoughts. My own belief is that God does not make our decisions for us, but He does know what we will do before we act. Why? Because God is love, we enjoy God given free will, and we are not robots.

Senses

“...when he came to himself.” Luke 15:17a ESV

It was time for Jill to come out of the shadows. She had spent far too long not being noticed and she didn’t like the thought that her pals looked on her as a goodie two shoes. She lived in a nice house, and her mum and dad were always good to her and treated her well. In fact, that was part of the problem. How can I shake off the ‘nice’ image so that I can be just like my friends. Then they would like me better and accept me. So Jill decided to change her set of pals from her church youth group friends, to her school friends who seemed to have a better time living life on or near the edge.

Her heart pounded the first time she went into a club. It was so easy even though she was underage. A little bell rung in her head but she ignored it. The group headed to the bar and Jill followed fully intending to have a soft drink, but what would they think of me if I did that? She decided to order the same as her friends but not drink it. That plan fell by the wayside. Another bell rung, but was ignored. The music was loud and before long she was on the floor gyrating to music that was far too loud, but her pals all seemed to be enjoying it. More bells rung and were ignored. It didn’t take too long before a nice looking young man came over to talk to her, and seeing that she was a bit tense, offered her a ‘perfectly legal’ pill to loosen her up. That way she would enjoy the rave even more. More bells, and by now getting even louder. They too were pushed aside. In no time at all, Jill was on her own. Where did her friends go? By now she was getting nervous, and more so when the same nice young man came along and invited her to leave the place early, and take a drive to an isolated and quiet spot to get to know each other better. Bells, lights, and a klaxon were blaring in Jill’s head by now, but what to do? In a short time it hit her. This was no way to live. Being so close to the edge of danger wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, so she gathered up her things and got out of there as fast as she could. She didn’t care where her friends were. At that point Jill had come to her senses and in the process learned a valuable lesson which would stay with her for life.

We don’t know what the Prodigal got into when he left home. We do know he was in the ‘far country’ which signifies a place far from God, and the Bible tells us that he wasted his life. It didn’t happen immediately, but like Jill, the Prodigal came to his senses. The only difference was the timing. If you are thinking of being a ‘prodigal’, or are one already, I trust and pray your senses kick in sooner rather than later. The longer you leave it, the deeper the ditch you dig. As for Jill? Her journey continues but she has learned one of the most valuable lessons she will ever face in her life. It’s a start, and a good one at that.

Lost It?

I suppose it had to happen one day. It felt like I had just turned my back and it was gone without a trace. It wasn’t an ordinary relationship, but let me try to explain some more but try to keep up with my wandering thoughts!

I had a lot of good contacts there and used them a lot. We would talk and be in touch often, of course some folks were better friends than others, but I always knew where they were, and how to get in touch. The truth is there were even folks in my ‘list’ I hardly knew but I felt it was a good idea to keep a note for the future. If you’re with the same crowd for a long time, they have ‘specials’ where you can relax a bit more. I suppose I was familiar with the way everything worked and there were very few surprises. It had become a part of my life, but I didn’t mind.

After a short time at the start when I wasn’t sure how things would work out, I decided to go for the casual membership contract and I found that was good value, at least for me. It didn’t seem to work for everyone mind you, but support was just a call away, and they would try to sort out whatever was troubling me. That didn’t happen very often but it was good to know the support was there.

Then the program changed, and just about everything changed with it. I seemed to lose some of my contacts. They were there one day and gone the next. Or that’s the way it seemed. The others in the list didn’t behave the same way after that. I don’t think any of us knew how to react to the ‘improvements’ as the company rolled out one by one until the way it ended up was unrecognisable. The specials weren’t so appealing now and more suited to a different crowd, some of whom were not even on my original contact list.

Mobile phones change every year and it’s hard to keep up with the changes they bring out. On top of that, as I get older, the more I get used to the one I have, and any change of handset or contract takes me longer to get used to. It didn’t happen overnight, but there came a time when I thought, why bother trying to keep up with the constant changes which the owners called progress. Sometimes change happens and it takes you too far from the solid, familiar ground you had, and for what benefit? So, you do what anyone else does in that situation. You change provider and go back to the tried and tested ways which brought you there in the first place?

Whether it’s my mobile phone, or my church, it’s a very similar process. Who would have thought?

The Unhealthy Church Problem

How does a church once averaging a healthy number in the Sunday service, drop to half in the relatively short space of a couple of decades? I think the answer may be in confrontation, or to be more accurate, the lack of confrontation. Most of us say that we would rather know what’s going on than guess, so leaders will say, please come and tell us your problems, issues, or those things you don’t fully agree with and we will talk it through and maybe find a solution because we don’t want to lose you.

The other more likely possibility is that some folks will leave without saying why, or making a fuss, or raising an issue, and before we know it we have let them go. Maybe we are not surprised they went, and possibly we even expected it. Perhaps we even secretly thought that we would be better off without them? I certainly hope not! The bottom line is that no one followed through to ask them. Why would this be?

Let’s go back to confrontation. No one likes it, no matter what they say in public to make themselves sound caring. So, when a person or family decide to move to another church, we let them go. Normally, we comfort ourselves with the thought that at least they are not lost to the Kingdom, because another church assembly has benefitted from our loss. But what if that same process keeps being repeated? Worse still, what if they decide not to go to any church? Are we bold enough to learn, and change?

We know that Jesus, the Good Shepherd, will leave the ninety-nine in safety to search for the one lost sheep, but what about us? How does that translate to your church, or to mine for that matter?

What, Nothing?

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Ecclesiastes 1:9 NIV

Words written centuries ago by Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, but surely it’s different these days? We have advanced in so many ways that Solomon wouldn’t recognise. Technology, medicine, science, education, air and space travel, but are these the kinds of things Solomon was talking about? Obviously not. One thing is the same, and that is human nature. We haven’t advanced any in the things that make us ‘tick’ since the days in the garden of Eden.

The heart of men and women need something that our advanced civilisation cannot provide. How do you measure love, hate, sympathy, and all the feelings that come from within? The simple answer is that you cannot figure out these emotions using advanced science. Having said the obvious, it follows that the truth and morality of the Bible still holds today, just as it did in Solomon’s time.

We look for ways to make church more attractive, so that we can bring those ‘outside the fold’ inside. Once they are inside, we must take the next step to provide the only answer to life’s ills and disappointments and it’s the Gospel. We cannot afford to get sidetracked into spending all our time in new programs, which can be a good thing, only to fail at the most important part. The possible outcome could be a busy church, full of half hearted attenders, or a half full church of sincere Christians loving and living the Gospel in open outreach. No prizes for guessing where my vote would lie. Finally, if you say you would rather have a full church of completely committed believers, I would too, but realistically we know that would not be the likely outcome. I refer you back to the verse at the top. There is nothing new under the sun that’s going to happen to change some things, no matter what we think, hope, or trust would be for the good in our human opinion. So, who do you trust more, old Solomon or the modern day Christian psychologist?

Humility

Dictionary definition of humility:”the quality of having a modest or low view of one's importance.”

Humility is like a vapour. Easy to see, but impossible to get your hands on, or your arms around. There is a lot of truth to the idea that just when you think you have it, you lose it! In fact humility is not something we should try to see in ourselves, but by contrast it can be seen more easily in others. I think you would agree that there are people we know, who we see as humble, but they would never say that of themselves. In fact they will not see it in themselves either!

So, the question that haunts me is this: How do we aspire to be humble if we can’t see it in ourselves? Perhaps we could look at the question from the other angle. What are the characteristics we can see in others that in our mind makes them humble? Firstly and perhaps most important is that they will never draw attention to themselves, so they are never loud either in lifestyle, or language.

Children are taught to be assertive and not withdrawn or backward, and this coupled with social media where the number of ‘likes’ and ‘shares’ is paramount, what chance can anyone have of finding that elusive thing called humility? The one place where people will aspire to see and become humble is church. The Bible shows the life of Jesus where he is undoubtedly lowly and humble, but who wants to be like Him, when we can be popular and show folks how good we are?

The apostle says it this way in 1 Peter 5:5 : “Be gentle as you care for each other. God works against those who have pride. He gives His loving-favour to those who do not try to honour themselves.” . What a lesson. So if a Christian comes across as: see me, hear me, loud, proud, assertive, pushy, or showy, they still have some way to go before the standard is reached, but remember it is easier to see humility in others, so we must take care that we don’t have any of these ‘anti-humility’ traits ourselves. You and I might not see them, but those around us certainly will!