I must confess to having a weak spot. One which not everyone shares, even other Christians on a social media platform like this one, and it has reared its ugly head again recently. I don’t like it when action must be taken to protect myself from the same thing again, but that is a forlorn hope because as society becomes more accepting and tolerant, this weakness will be found more often, and more than likely the person involved will not be aware of the impact, even though my feelings are made clear on my profiles.
It may seem to be an unlikely difficulty because in real life conversations, although it troubles me, it doesn’t bother me as much. That’s because a ‘user’ will normally let it happen almost unconsciously, and without thinking. The issue, my issue, is not so much with it happening in ordinary small talk, but when it is written or typed, it has to be thought through letter by letter as it finds itself on the screen. Then as if that isn’t enough, the ‘send’ or ‘publish’ button must be pressed too. Basically, there is ample time to correct and erase the offending word(s) before anyone reads them.
We take language for granted, but for me it’s an expression of who we are, of who I am, and I for one am particular how it is used. My use of words and language tells my family and friends who I am, and what I am on the inside. It shows some integrity in an area where I do exercise control. Full control. My language is not a mirror of someone else. It’s a reflection of who I am.
So, if you find that I am missing from your social media friends list, it’s nothing personal. That is who you are and you are comfortable with who you are. Similarly, I have the freedom to reduce the number of times I see, or my friends might see through me, open swearing which is offending and offensive. I am not asking you to change, although that would be nice, but explaining who I am. I will not change, and it is possible that you will not either. When I was younger, a friend told me that swearing was just street language and I would get used to it. Well here I am many years later, and I am thankfully still not used to it. Have you ever walked near a small family in the street only to hear the dad, or yes, even the mum swear at the toddler who isn’t keeping up? As though that wasn’t bad enough, you cringe as the toddler answers in similar fashion. Now tell me who is at fault? Is it always someone else, or do we have some part to play in the solution? So tell me, who do YOU think is listening when YOU talk?
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 NIV
The aim is to provide a stimulating mix of personal opinions (from a mainstream Christian worldview), and associated comments, which will be accepted and published if they comply with the usual courtesy and decency.
Showing posts with label swear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label swear. Show all posts
Sunday, 23 September 2018
Tuesday, 31 July 2018
Guilt
Guilt is a funny thing and it doesn’t always hit you the way you might imagine, especially when you have not done anything that should make you feel guilty. This upside down guilt trip is often experienced by children caught up in a dysfunctional home who find themselves hurt or abused in some way, possibly emotionally or physically. The situation was out of their control, but still they have an unreasonable sense of guilt. One theory is that there is a figure of authority involved and the child doesn’t know how else to react, so they feel guilty.
In a similar manner, feeling guilty as a result of a figure of authority stepping out of line in another adult’s life can also make the victim feel guilty for bringing up a thorny issue in the first place. The offender doesn’t think they have said or done anything wrong, or else they would not have said or done that thing that hurts so much in the first place.
Deep inside, we carry certain firmly held beliefs which have been a significant part of our lives for many years. More years than you could imagine, and inside that ‘protected bubble’ is a part of you that no one should try to change, or even tamper with. Our faith is very like that because it is embedded in our very psyche, and means a great deal to us. In fact one of the benefits of belonging to a group of believers like a church, is that we are like minded. The same kinds of things disturb us, and encourage us. To the unchurched unbeliever we may look and sound the same, but it’s what is deep inside that makes us who we are on the outside.
Because these feelings are so deep and common, it is very seldom if ever that one of our church friends would step out of the same comfort zone. You would never expect a true believer to curse or swear for example and thankfully that seldom, if ever happens. What can happen however is that some find ways around it. Swear words can be partly spelled in a conversation, or abbreviated in print such as in the common OMG usage. The other method of deliberately stepping out of that normally safe ‘zone’ but without saying the curse word in the written form is to replace some or all of the letters with an ‘*’. That way you make it known what you mean, but are in the clear because you didn’t say the offending word. And it IS an offending word, even in non Christian circles. Everyone knows this. Why else go to the effort of playing games with the letters? In fact, what’s stopping that person from saying the swear word out loud, because we know they are thinking it?
There is little room for error when a phrase is used like, “What the ‘****’ .” I can only think of a few four letter words which would fit, they all involve swearing, and none of them are remotely pleasant or complimentary. I said earlier that this would seldom if ever come from a fellow believer, and thankfully that is true. But what if it comes unexpectedly from someone you look up to and respect? Now this is where the feeling of guilt comes in, even for a seasoned and mature believing adult. To bring this up with someone who obviously doesn’t see anything wrong, puts the pressure on the hearer who is offended and not on the one who said it, ie the offender.
There are two ways to handle a situation like this. Either head on, in a very confrontational manner, or apologise your way through the reason why you feel the way you do, ie you feel and show your guilt. We are taught from an early age to love one another, and love your neighbour as yourself, so tackling anything head on with any other believer goes against your heart and your core beliefs. What are you left with? A firm and unshakeable sense of unnecessary guilt….and a question that will not go away, which no one can answer.
Having said that, there is another way, but it’s the hardest of all. By showing the same grace and forgiveness that God has extended to us. Does that let them off the hook? Yes it does, however forgiving feels good and right, but even more than that, we are reminded in Genesis 18:25 “Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?” So it’s much better to leave it in God’s hands to sort out in the affected hearts.
In a similar manner, feeling guilty as a result of a figure of authority stepping out of line in another adult’s life can also make the victim feel guilty for bringing up a thorny issue in the first place. The offender doesn’t think they have said or done anything wrong, or else they would not have said or done that thing that hurts so much in the first place.
Deep inside, we carry certain firmly held beliefs which have been a significant part of our lives for many years. More years than you could imagine, and inside that ‘protected bubble’ is a part of you that no one should try to change, or even tamper with. Our faith is very like that because it is embedded in our very psyche, and means a great deal to us. In fact one of the benefits of belonging to a group of believers like a church, is that we are like minded. The same kinds of things disturb us, and encourage us. To the unchurched unbeliever we may look and sound the same, but it’s what is deep inside that makes us who we are on the outside.
Because these feelings are so deep and common, it is very seldom if ever that one of our church friends would step out of the same comfort zone. You would never expect a true believer to curse or swear for example and thankfully that seldom, if ever happens. What can happen however is that some find ways around it. Swear words can be partly spelled in a conversation, or abbreviated in print such as in the common OMG usage. The other method of deliberately stepping out of that normally safe ‘zone’ but without saying the curse word in the written form is to replace some or all of the letters with an ‘*’. That way you make it known what you mean, but are in the clear because you didn’t say the offending word. And it IS an offending word, even in non Christian circles. Everyone knows this. Why else go to the effort of playing games with the letters? In fact, what’s stopping that person from saying the swear word out loud, because we know they are thinking it?
There is little room for error when a phrase is used like, “What the ‘****’ .” I can only think of a few four letter words which would fit, they all involve swearing, and none of them are remotely pleasant or complimentary. I said earlier that this would seldom if ever come from a fellow believer, and thankfully that is true. But what if it comes unexpectedly from someone you look up to and respect? Now this is where the feeling of guilt comes in, even for a seasoned and mature believing adult. To bring this up with someone who obviously doesn’t see anything wrong, puts the pressure on the hearer who is offended and not on the one who said it, ie the offender.
There are two ways to handle a situation like this. Either head on, in a very confrontational manner, or apologise your way through the reason why you feel the way you do, ie you feel and show your guilt. We are taught from an early age to love one another, and love your neighbour as yourself, so tackling anything head on with any other believer goes against your heart and your core beliefs. What are you left with? A firm and unshakeable sense of unnecessary guilt….and a question that will not go away, which no one can answer.
Having said that, there is another way, but it’s the hardest of all. By showing the same grace and forgiveness that God has extended to us. Does that let them off the hook? Yes it does, however forgiving feels good and right, but even more than that, we are reminded in Genesis 18:25 “Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?” So it’s much better to leave it in God’s hands to sort out in the affected hearts.
Friday, 13 July 2018
Loose Talk. Again!
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 NIV
This verse is easy to understand, although some who might stray across the line will interpret the words ‘unwholesome talk’ to suit themselves and their need to be seen as ‘normal’, or ‘one of the guys’. Unwholesome talk or street language can be separated into swearing or ‘soft swearing’ which is as loose as it comes. The ordinary man and woman who bears no allegiance to a faith has no problems with swearing.
However, I have found to my surprise and sometimes shock, there are Christians who will see how close they can come to swearing, without actually saying the words. So you find people who should know better using the abbreviation OMG, and if you raise the issue, you will be told the ‘G’ means Gosh. They must be the only folks in the world who think that way, but it allows them to be more like their friends and not an outsider.
Another one that has come across my path recently is the expletive ‘sh**t’ which is a clear replacement for the word ‘sh*t’. Any check on Google will bear this out and I believe this is known to the user, but once again its usage can make them feel closer to the edge of language, and so too their peers.
So what, I can hear you say? You have been here before, and you are right, I have. I suppose my biggest problem is that my unchurched friends don’t use this kind of language especially on social media, but I do see and hear it from those in church leadership. Leaders who are younger in years and more recent theology graduates from our leading universities. Would you not agree that more is reasonably expected from our church pastors and leaders, such that speech should be above question, suspicion, or reproach? Or am I setting the bar too high for us all, leaders and laity alike?
Perhaps I am the one who is unreasonable and out of step?
This verse is easy to understand, although some who might stray across the line will interpret the words ‘unwholesome talk’ to suit themselves and their need to be seen as ‘normal’, or ‘one of the guys’. Unwholesome talk or street language can be separated into swearing or ‘soft swearing’ which is as loose as it comes. The ordinary man and woman who bears no allegiance to a faith has no problems with swearing.
However, I have found to my surprise and sometimes shock, there are Christians who will see how close they can come to swearing, without actually saying the words. So you find people who should know better using the abbreviation OMG, and if you raise the issue, you will be told the ‘G’ means Gosh. They must be the only folks in the world who think that way, but it allows them to be more like their friends and not an outsider.
Another one that has come across my path recently is the expletive ‘sh**t’ which is a clear replacement for the word ‘sh*t’. Any check on Google will bear this out and I believe this is known to the user, but once again its usage can make them feel closer to the edge of language, and so too their peers.
So what, I can hear you say? You have been here before, and you are right, I have. I suppose my biggest problem is that my unchurched friends don’t use this kind of language especially on social media, but I do see and hear it from those in church leadership. Leaders who are younger in years and more recent theology graduates from our leading universities. Would you not agree that more is reasonably expected from our church pastors and leaders, such that speech should be above question, suspicion, or reproach? Or am I setting the bar too high for us all, leaders and laity alike?
Perhaps I am the one who is unreasonable and out of step?
Thursday, 3 May 2018
Words
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 NIV
Most, if not all of my good friends, use language carefully. They use the words which convey meaning best and don’t waste time dancing around a subject with big words, or worse still, words that are on the edge, if not over the edge, of profanity and cursing. These are the actions and life of my friends, but what about those others who inhabit a place of church leadership? Not all leaders, but some will try to be so close to the unchurched that they want to be just like them. If that means the odd ‘soft swearword’ (if such a thing exists) is spoken, then so be it. If that kind of language is adopted by one or more of the leaders in a holiness church, what then? Do we ignore it and swiftly move on, pretending we didn’t hear? This behaviour disturbs me. Am I right to be disturbed, or should I accept this kind of talk from everyone, whether a professing Christian or not?
When it comes to the subject of ‘unwholesome talk’ there is another side to the verse. What about the talk that’s less than ‘whole’ and in fact by its tone is a stumbling block? Not only are we required to keep our tongues clean, we have a responsibility to live out the truth of Christ in our day to day existence. After all, our tongue has the ability to build up and encourage, or tear down and discourage, or worse. When Christians talk to each other, not only do we have to avoid gossip and bad language, we must choose our words and tone carefully so that the wrong message is not conveyed. The warning is that the tongue can corrupt our whole life, “for it is set on fire by hell itself.” May our speech be acceptable to our Lord and Saviour at all times, and in all circumstances to all people.
In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. James 3:5,6 NLT
Most, if not all of my good friends, use language carefully. They use the words which convey meaning best and don’t waste time dancing around a subject with big words, or worse still, words that are on the edge, if not over the edge, of profanity and cursing. These are the actions and life of my friends, but what about those others who inhabit a place of church leadership? Not all leaders, but some will try to be so close to the unchurched that they want to be just like them. If that means the odd ‘soft swearword’ (if such a thing exists) is spoken, then so be it. If that kind of language is adopted by one or more of the leaders in a holiness church, what then? Do we ignore it and swiftly move on, pretending we didn’t hear? This behaviour disturbs me. Am I right to be disturbed, or should I accept this kind of talk from everyone, whether a professing Christian or not?
When it comes to the subject of ‘unwholesome talk’ there is another side to the verse. What about the talk that’s less than ‘whole’ and in fact by its tone is a stumbling block? Not only are we required to keep our tongues clean, we have a responsibility to live out the truth of Christ in our day to day existence. After all, our tongue has the ability to build up and encourage, or tear down and discourage, or worse. When Christians talk to each other, not only do we have to avoid gossip and bad language, we must choose our words and tone carefully so that the wrong message is not conveyed. The warning is that the tongue can corrupt our whole life, “for it is set on fire by hell itself.” May our speech be acceptable to our Lord and Saviour at all times, and in all circumstances to all people.
In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. James 3:5,6 NLT
Saturday, 14 May 2016
They're Just Words
I have heard the phrase “they’re just words” said by a prolific swearer, in an attempt to explain or excuse his inability to speak without profanity. “It’s just street language” is another way they might reply. Then there are those who swear now and again because they can’t help it as the words just tumble out. Then the justification is that they have always been like that so they can’t stop it now. It’s too late to change. There is a third type of swearing person, and that’s the one who hardly ever uses bad language, and who will use it for shock effect, or to reinforce a point. That way, the point is not overlooked. It is calculated and used to make sure you pay attention.
The Christian doesn’t swear, and they don’t have to take the Lord’s name in vain either. The reason is that their tongue and lips have been cleaned up. An encounter with Jesus Christ can and will remove the habit.
However, there is yet another category of person we need to recognise. These are the ones who claim Christ as Saviour, but like living close to the edge in their use of language. So, words which rhyme with a curse might be used in its place. Then there has been no swearing, but the listener knows what is going on and the witness (if any was intended) is lost. And what about someone who is called to a sanctified life of holiness, but occasionally and deliberately uses certain words for effect which can have a double meaning, leaving the message of any Word/words less than edifying, and does not reflect a Godly example? Let’s leave it there, except for these few verses which should be our guide into everything we say…..
But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. Matthew 5:37
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12
But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God;… James 3:8,9
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)