Who Cares?

It’s a good question, but sometimes asked in a flippant or sarcastic tone. A good friend starts to tell you how bad their day has been, you zone out, and find yourself saying to yourself ‘who cares’ anyway. The classroom know-it-all starts to explain the finer points of the previous lesson, and you think or even say, ‘who cares’?

In Scotland we have mastered the fine art of sarcasm (and some see it as a humorous artform) but the same cannot be said about speaking encouraging pleasantries. These are pushed aside, out of the way, because they are seen as soft, and show a caring, sensitive side and we can’t be having that now, can we? Anyway, who cares if you are offended by that sarcasm?

Church is different for the most part, with people being nice, and showing that they care. Whoa! Back up! Sure the Bible tells us to love one another, and by that characteristic all will know you are Jesus’ disciples. Ah, I hear you say, but can’t we be sarcastic at the same time as being loving and caring? I suggest not.

Take it a step further. Something a Christian can do that no other group can do, is pray. We can pray for the sick, the hurting, the lonely, the unsaved, and that is all good and shows our concern, and that we really do care. But can’t we pray at the same time as we are sarcastic? Of course not!

The real problem for me, is not when there is an absence of sarcasm, encouraging words, or even prayer. It’s the silence. That’s what hits and hurts the most. I remember clearly being in Christian company in church when one of the ladies said to my late wife. “You do know we are praying for you?” Neither she nor I knew that they were praying. No one said. There was silence. My wife had cancer and didn’t survive the disease, so lost out from the knowledge that people in the church at that time were praying. Silence. There were two lessons for me in that short conversation. The first is to pray when you say you will pray. Don’t talk about it to your friends, but do it. That brings me to the second lesson, which is to tell them you are praying for them right in their time of need. They need to hear it. Trust me on this. The person you are praying for needs to know you care enough to pray. They need to know you care. We need to care, and be seen to care!

Sarcy

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians4:6NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians4:29NIV

I need to nail something down. Right now. My Scottish culture almost demands that you are sarcastic, and the more sarcastic you can be, the better. To soften the barbs, we find it goes by other names like, ‘a bit of fun’, ‘banter’, ‘harmless chatter’, ‘inoffensive laughs’ and the favourite, ‘everybody does it’. It doesn’t sound so bad like that, does it? However, sometimes it feels like a competition and I’m getting tired of it.

The little brother of sarcasm is irony, and there is a better place in our language for that, than for being sarcastic. Let me throw a lifeline. Done well, sarcasm can be very funny and more so when no one is affected personally. Scottish menfolk are not good at light sarcasm. It has to be full bore or not at all. In fact, the more personal you can make your sarcastic comments, that would seem to work for many. Because this is a cultural failure, the ailment has seeped into the church, and good Christians have become quite adept at the ‘art’. Social media is a favourite gallery to display your prowess’.

I wonder how Jesus views our conversations? We do have good evidence that God would prefer we didn’t sink to that level as seen in the two verses above. There are many more taken in context which would support this.

The ground has been pierced by my sword from here on. I cannot do anything to stop my friends being who they are, or holding to this kind of so called humour, but I can exert some pressure to change myself, from the inside. So, when addressed in sarcasm, whether personally or aimed at another, I will not react or respond. For my own part, it dies right there. I feel I have been here before, but each time I backslide, the worse the error of my sarcasm becomes. Is my target too high, and perhaps unattainable? I hope not because I don’t like myself when I slide back, even a little.

Sarcasm defined by the Cambridge English Dictionary: “The use of remarks that clearly mean the opposite of what they say, made in order to hurt someone's feelings or to criticize something in a humorous way.” Or how about this definition?: “the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.” ...and still the answer comes back, “..it’s only a bit of banter, a bit of fun!” Somehow I don’t see my culture changing anytime soon!

Epitaph? What Will It Be?

One of the believers was named Joseph. The apostles called him Barnabas, a name that means “one who encourages others.” Acts 4:36

We are good at putting ourselves in a good light, even when things don’t look that way to others. No one likes to be thought badly of and the natural thing is to act and behave in such a way that others will like us, and maybe even think we are funny.

Our National bard put it well when he said, “Ah wid some power the Giftie gie us, tae see oorselves as ithers see us”. Wise words, but not always heeded. We don’t get a complete picture of Barnabas in the New Testament, but what we do know should give us a goal.

If you are in a crowd of friends, and some pick on you, put you down, and belittle you my guess is that you don’t feel good about yourself and are not likely to help others to feel good about themselves. If, on the other hand, there are a few friends who help and encourage you, and even see past your faults to boost your confidence, I suggest that will make you want to do the same and help others. What an encouragement we can be, if we but take the time and opportunities when they arise.

You must have noticed that Barnabas did not confer this ‘encourager’ title on himself. It was the apostles around him, noticing how he acted with others, who called him “one who encourages others”. What a lovely, amazing, and yes Christ like trait to possess. When the time comes for others to put a headstone over your grave, what kind of person will it say you had been? A Barnabas? A son or daughter of encouragement? In our openly sarcastic society, I earnestly pray that simple prayer, and with God’s help it may just happen if I let His love shine through. Will you join me?

Loose Talk

Recently I posted a piece on ‘Loose Living’ and in the days after this, I have had cause to pull myself up on loose talk. Not coarse or bad language, but talking and responding in such a way that does not show the right ‘Christ-like’ spirit. If you use any of the social media platforms, the chances are that you will find yourself printing something you would never say to anyone face to face. We all know the verse, “When you talk, don’t say anything bad. But say the good things that people need—whatever will help them grow stronger. Then what you say will be a blessing to those who hear you.” Ephesians 4:29

In Scotland we live in a society and culture where a form of sarcasm is considered normal banter, even between Christians, but as others look on, is it the best way to behave? Mark 9:42 says, “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.”

The thing that pulled me up short was the fact that on some social mediums, although a bit of light(?) sarcasm can pass between friends, there are other young in the faith folks who look on, and that way of talking can be a bad example and a stumbling block. Is that what we really want? The words of Jesus are a very strong warning against loose talk in any of its forms, and I don’t want to be remembered for that characteristic. Let good, wholesome, clean fun begin!

Irony

Irony is the nice ‘proper english’ word for sarcasm. The saying that ‘sarcasm is the lowest form of wit’ is very true in my eyes, and possibly more so because I live in a culture where sarcasm is seen as funny, witty, and a great laugh. For whom, I wonder? The person being put down, or the person with the sharp tongue? Just asking.

I was on a work course once where the purpose was to emphasise the benefits of being positive, and not using any put down or sarcastic talk in our work and home environments. We were given an assignment for that night at home, and to report back the results next day. The assignment was to compliment your wife on her looks, cooking, and being a good mum. Easy? Not at all. The guys complained that this just wasn’t the way they were, and their wives knew that. They would think something was wrong if their husbands started to dish out compliments, but most agreed to complete the task and report back next day anyway. Coming from the West of Scotland, they all had a sarcastic streak, and readily admitted it.

Guess what? The wives (as reported) were delighted, and thankful for the kind words. They didn’t like the sarcasm, but saw it as ‘just the way it was’ and put up with it. The guys thought they were being funny, after all there would be a ripple of laughter when a barbed, sarcastic comment would be made at one of their mates, or at least a smile from their wife. That must make it ok, right? No! How wrong that was!

What does the Bible say about our talk as Christians? How should we treat our friends, and especially our spouses? How about these for a starter, and how do we, (me included) stack up to these commands? I think it is worth giving some good, encouraging talk a chance instead of mean words, because sarcasm is not funny. Take my word for it, or better still take the word of the Apostle Paul:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Philippians 4:8 NIV

Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. Ephesians 5:4 NIV