Heavy Hearted?

Laughter can conceal a heavy heart; when the laughter ends, the grief remains. Proverbs14:13NLT

How do you conceal your heavy heart? Solomon suggests that laughter can do it. Others hide their heaviness in different ways, eg immerse yourself in family, study, sport, hobby, and the list could go on. In other words, we hide from the pain of our heavy heart and don’t face up to it. But why would we want to do that?

Before we jump to any conclusions, there will always be good reasons for hiding away from the source of the heaviness. The only reason you might not agree or see it, is because you haven’t had to face that particular heartache. I would also suggest that the root of the heaviness may not be a ‘thing’, but a person. It’s true that the one most likely to hurt, is the one that’s closest. Relationships from friendships to spouse testify to that truth.

Once we recognise the source of our emotional distress, for that is what it is, what then? What do we do? If I use my head, the answer is clear. Face the situation or person directly and have the difficult conversation to try to clear the air. Even then the end result might not be good. But then, if we approach this kind of issue from our heart, that hurts too, after all it is called heartache for good reason. The heart does not want that risky confrontation because you may be the catalyst or instrument to make things worse instead of better. Whatever we decide to do, we can’t win, so it remains a heartache, and we continue to be heavy hearted because the needed source of change can’t see it, or is not interested, because they don’t see the distress they are responsible for. In fact, sometimes their ‘answer’ will be uttered or voiced before the question is asked, or aired.

To answer before listening— that is folly and shame. Proverbs18:13NIV

Suffering Well

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5 ESV

My first thoughts after reading this is: Just who is Paul kidding? Not us, right? Rejoice when we are suffering? Sure Paul, but I don’t think so. Somebody else maybe, but not me!

Right after that first hasty thought I had to pull myself up, stop, and take a deep breath while remembering a scene at a hospital bed many years before. I had a boys’ Sunday School class, and those days were ones of learning, certainly for me and I hoped for the lives which were in my Spiritual care too. That responsibility was taken very seriously, with much study and prayer. All of those lads became an extension to my own life.

A few short years after one of ‘my boys’ had left the class, he suffered a few terrible medical conditions which changed the course of his life. During part of the time he was in hospital I visited with my wife during regular visiting hours along with his mum and dad, our dear friends. Those were hard and long days. My place of work was not too far away, so sometimes I would take an extended break to visit on my own. David won’t remember all of these visits, but they are etched in my mind.

I am only telling you this to set the scene for a particular visit when the patient was asleep, and I struggled to find something to say or pray. I pulled the New Testament from my pocket, found this verse and read it out loud, thinking that he could possibly hear, even though asleep. I felt led to this passage, but it didn’t make sense to me at the time. With a lot of prayer from family and friends, he pulled through in an amazing manner.

Roll forward a few years, and this same young man is now an adult with numerous academic qualifications, and a university lecturer into the bargain. Who would have thought that the very condition which almost ‘floored’ him was the catalyst which made this determined child of God steel himself to prepare for the rest of his life. A life that the doctors said he wouldn’t have, and he proved them wrong. So this verse rings louder and clearer in my ears and heart now, as a reminder that God’s Will and Word is true and for keeps. I understand these words better now than I did all those years before where it says …we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Circumstances have changed for the worse once again for my now adult friend, and I have to believe the truth of this verse applies every bit as much now, as it did all those years ago. Lord Jesus, in everything that affects us, keep us faithful and believing.

Love, Life and Grief

The greatest love people can show is to die for their friends. John 15:13 ERV

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.                     2 Cor 1:4 NLT

We associate the words of Jesus about dying for our friends to be all about physical pain and death, but I would suggest there is another dimension which is equally important, evident and valid. We can also die inside, piece by piece, through emotional loss until we can become a shell of our former selves. Unless…..

I have the pleasure and honour to watch, first hand, love in action from the unlikeliest of sources, humanly speaking that is, and I am constantly humbled. It is bad enough when a health disaster hits a family, but when death and grieving happens on top of the ‘partial’ loss of a much loved spouse, how do the remainder of this family cope? The ones who remain to grieve and care seem to have an abundance of love in their hearts. So much so that they can give comfort to the one who needs it most, and only because they have already received a supernatural amount of comfort from the only one who can give it at a time like this. God.

Names are not important, and I know both of the men involved would not want that. You may know someone like this, or you may already recognise these good people. They don’t give love and care because they want the recognition, or to be noticed by their friends. No, they provide the comfort for a partly lost wife and mum, as well as the loss of a dear wife, for one reason, and one reason only. Love. They find it as natural as breathing, and it shows the heart of a loving God, living and working through them. How else can you explain it?

What happens behind that closed door may be another thing, but right where love and comfort are needed, they are freely given, without a thought of their own grief and pain. I consider it a privilege to have been counted as a friend down through many years, but most especially now. Have you ever noticed that the ones who hurt the most, also give the most? Ask anyone, but particularly think and pray for this husband and son. They know the answer. I pray that God will continue to grant the level of inner strength and peace necessary for them to continue to love and comfort for as long as they are needed. Will you join me in a loud amen?

Pain

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18 NIV

Pain is something we all suffer at some point in our life, and some folks carry a much heavier burden and weight of hurt than others. It can feel unfair at times, because we see bad things happen to good people, and health pain being suffered by folks who could well do without it. There seems to be a very unbalanced distribution of who gets a painful medical condition and if was up to us, we would choose differently. Physical pain is hard to bear and usually visible. Many times it just can’t be hidden.

However, I would suggest that even harder to bear is heart or emotional pain. It’s not so visible, but can still hurt deep down where it lies hidden from view, at least from prying, public gaze, and those nosey ones who would love to know what went on in your life to cause it. So, what emotional pains do you and I carry? Could it be the hurt of a lost first love? The loss of a spouse? Infidelity? Not speaking out in defence of a loved one when you should have, and it cost you dearly? Squandering or gambling money away that your family desperately needed? Speaking out of turn when you should have kept your mouth tight shut? Harming a child in some way, and still feeling the shame years later? The list goes on.

When we feel any kind of pain, it is certain that God is near. In the heat of the moment you may not feel that way, but this will be confirmed for you in a little while, and in the testimony of others who have recognised God’s presence and taken His help. After all, we have the assurance from our great God that because you are a Christian you will not avoid pain, but when God walks that painful path with us, it is much easier to handle. Why? Because “God is faithful.”

No testing has overtaken you except ordinary testing. But God is faithful. He will not allow you to be tested beyond your ability, but when he tests you, he will also bring about the outcome that you are able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 EHV