Love, Life and Grief

The greatest love people can show is to die for their friends. John 15:13 ERV

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.                     2 Cor 1:4 NLT

We associate the words of Jesus about dying for our friends to be all about physical pain and death, but I would suggest there is another dimension which is equally important, evident and valid. We can also die inside, piece by piece, through emotional loss until we can become a shell of our former selves. Unless…..

I have the pleasure and honour to watch, first hand, love in action from the unlikeliest of sources, humanly speaking that is, and I am constantly humbled. It is bad enough when a health disaster hits a family, but when death and grieving happens on top of the ‘partial’ loss of a much loved spouse, how do the remainder of this family cope? The ones who remain to grieve and care seem to have an abundance of love in their hearts. So much so that they can give comfort to the one who needs it most, and only because they have already received a supernatural amount of comfort from the only one who can give it at a time like this. God.

Names are not important, and I know both of the men involved would not want that. You may know someone like this, or you may already recognise these good people. They don’t give love and care because they want the recognition, or to be noticed by their friends. No, they provide the comfort for a partly lost wife and mum, as well as the loss of a dear wife, for one reason, and one reason only. Love. They find it as natural as breathing, and it shows the heart of a loving God, living and working through them. How else can you explain it?

What happens behind that closed door may be another thing, but right where love and comfort are needed, they are freely given, without a thought of their own grief and pain. I consider it a privilege to have been counted as a friend down through many years, but most especially now. Have you ever noticed that the ones who hurt the most, also give the most? Ask anyone, but particularly think and pray for this husband and son. They know the answer. I pray that God will continue to grant the level of inner strength and peace necessary for them to continue to love and comfort for as long as they are needed. Will you join me in a loud amen?

Earth to Heaven

I seem to be going through a stage of life where one friend after another is taking seriously and terminally ill, and sadly passing away. Normally, life’s events like these happen occasionally, but not for now. I have two ways to look at this, and react. I can take the passing of friends in a sad and grieving way, emphasising the tragic loss of a loved one to the spouse and family, and that is a normal, fit and proper reaction. In fact, this is very appropriate in the immediate aftermath of the loss. However, if we can find it within us, there is another way.

We are supposed to be a Christian country, but do we take this faith personally? Do we live the Bible we read, with all the promises it contains? I am fortunate to have many friends and family who live the faith of the Christian life, and believe in God’s promises. So, after the grief has eased (not passed, because humanly it may never go away) how about believing the words we read in the Bible we love? Words like: And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4  How can you not love these words?

Our loved ones who have gone on before us are not dead. They are very much alive and no longer sick, diseased, lame, blind, confused, or troubled. We have this assurance: Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 1 Thessalonians 4:13,14 and in the words of 2 Corinthians 5:8: We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.

Finally, we know without a doubt that Jesus feels our grief and pain at our greatest time of loss. This is the reason we know that He IS our Saviour, and the One who stands beside us in our loss and for that time afterwards when others may not be in touch so often. Now, rest in and be comforted by the One who understands our grief best of all, as God’s Word records: Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him!’ John 11:35,36 How can we doubt His offer of that same love to us?

Hidden

I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11 NIV

This old and well worn verse, memorised from Sunday School times, has a depth of meaning. On a surface level, it is an exhortation to learn, and remember Scripture, and commit as much as possible to memory. The reason for this is to give strength when we face tough times and need to know what His Word says to us in that situation. We use our memory to its best advantage while we can.

The psalmist doesn’t use the word memory, or brain, he uses the word ‘heart’ and I think deliberately to give us a deeper insight and meaning which goes beyond our capacity to remember. The heart goes far deeper than our heads, but we don’t remember with our hearts, do we? Or do we?

In these days where we are all living longer, one of the increasing problems we may face is forgetfulness, and in up to 80% of cases, we could develop some kind of mild or severe dementia. Our memory will not always be as alert or useful. We might find ourselves unable to recall the things we did yesterday, but can bring to mind in great detail what we did on our street 50 years ago in our childhood or youth. I think this is the secret of hiding God’s Word in our heart.

If you should ever see signs of memory loss starting in your own life, what would you like to keep in your heart? For my part, I would say the faces and names of my loved ones. My wife, children, grandchildren, friends and that very special friend too. The heart can be a treasure trove of good things, and on top of it all, could and should be God’s Word to keep us in tune with His work in our lives in the past, at present, and into our perhaps unknown future.

Have you seen a saint of God grow old, while memory fades? I have, and my experience is that they kept a glow, when their memory had no reason to make them happy. Without exception, they had hidden God’s Word in their hearts, and when their memory failed, the reserves of the heart kicked in and sustained them until it was time to come face to face with the Author. I pray that my gracious God will allow that same blessing for you and me!