The Invisible God

It’s not that you shake your fist at God and yell ‘WHY’? It’s more the silent feeling that God might have left you alone, isolated, and lonely. That’s a dark, silent oppressive place and it takes its toll on heart and mind.

What happened to all those good times? Those fondly remembered happy memories have not gone away, they are still there and always will be. Shared meals. Shared family times. Shared outings as we watched our children grow up into fine young men and women. Shared prayers with thankfulness for good health of body and mind. But not so much anymore because time has passed and a lot of water has gone under the bridge. Happy memories can never be taken away, except when the faculty of memory itself has been removed by illness. Those outside looking in, still have the benefit of these good memories, but the victim (yes that is what they become) has no thoughts of the past to see them through this long, dark tunnel. What’s it like in that tunnel, I oftentimes wonder? Sometimes we lose a loved one to death, and sometimes it can be a living loss. Is there a comparison? They are both horrific and leave their indelible mark on body, soul, and spirit.

Bible verses about God looking after His own, and building a hedge of protection around His people start to have a hollow ring about them. Until now, these verses were taken at face value, and personally. We felt safe and invincible because we had God on our side. Lucky us, right? Bad things only happen to bad people we think, but no. Bad things happen to good people, and I mean really bad things happen to really good people, and it’s not fair. Have you ever had that thought or experience?

There is an old saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and I suppose there is an element of truth there, but just an element. A very small element because what doesn’t kill you can also break you, and I believe that happens more than we know, at least for a while. A loved one’s death, or a living loss, which is worse? There is no answer because you would not want either, and that’s the truth. But let’s go back to where it all started when we were making happy memories. There are two husbands and friends who have suffered one each of these heartaches, and somehow as a result that old friendship takes on a new meaning which cannot be covered by any other friend. There is a deep, underlying, unspoken understanding.

So where is God? He is there, just out of sight, as the old chorus says, “Standing somewhere in the shadows you’ll find Jesus” and for a short time, you may not see Him. It will do us good to remember that Hezekiah was in this lonely place for a reason too as it says in 2 Chronicles 32:31: God left him [Hezekiah] to himself, in order to test him and to know all that was in his heart. The personal question that remains is, “Am I up to the same heart test?”