The Loner, the Lonely

Christmas is a jolly and happy time where we all have a perfect dinner, with perfect friends and a perfect family. That’s what we see all around us, on TV, in the movies, and in the shop window displays. This a time for people in minimal units of two. Couples and family units, but not on your own. It isn’t portrayed that way, and it’s not supposed to be like that.

I suggest there are two kinds of ‘singles’ out there at this time of year, each trying to melt into the background, but perhaps feeling a bit conspicuous. It is good to get them straight in your minds, because they are quite different groups of people.

The ‘loner’ is usually that way by choice. The reasons can vary, but they are ok with being on their own, as long as you don’t disturb their world by thinking you can help or change them by including them in your festivities. They will fully enjoy the evening, and enter into the meal, games and fun. However, chances are they will leave the party the same way they entered, still a loner, and content to be so. The Christmas get together will not trigger anything to make them want to be a different person. The loner is not lonely.

The ‘lonely’ on the other hand are usually in this condition through circumstance, some self made, and some not. Widows, orphans, military wives spring readily to mind, but that is not a complete list. You will know someone in that category yourself, or you may be one yourself. An invitation is a struggle to accept. Entering into the spirit of the party does not come easy, and they will often be there, but their thoughts are elsewhere. Strangely, this group of people will probably love Christmas, know the real reason for the season, and have many happy memories tucked away, but these same memories may possibly be the same reasons they cannot fully enjoy the festivities now. The lonely by nature are not loners, but may feel like it, especially at Christmas. Also, the lonely would wish their state to be temporary, but on the other hand, the loner would be content to stay as they are.

The good news is that both types can be treated in similar ways. With care and understanding. You will know people who obviously fall into each category, and all you have to do is treat them with Christian love, while accepting they look at the season through different eyes. Age is no restriction, and there will be folks in these groups from their teens through to older age. Some will even withdraw to their ‘own place’ to deal with that synthetic part of the season, and even be relieved when it is over. Beware of the lonely smilers, as these are the hardest to recognise, and so may slip under the net of your awareness. If you can’t understand this place, I am glad, because it means you are not in this number. So, be glad and enter into the Christmas season fully, and unreservedly. This is a special time, and always will be, in one way or another. So from me to you, have a Blessed and Happy Christmas!