Fight or Flight?

There are times you sense something is very wrong, but you don’t know what to do about it for the best. This is compounded if or when a close friend or loved one is involved, whether voluntarily or involuntary. A mixture of feelings overtake you because you should be able to fix things, after all that’s what you should do. You try to put things right if there is the slightest suspicion of harm, and that’s true for anyone, at any time. Young or old, boy or man, girl or woman, responsible or not, deliberate or accidental.

What to do? Unless I am wrong, there are only two classic reactions, ‘fight or flight’. We act first and ask questions later, or we hide from the confrontation. To do either requires that you are sure and certain of your ground, but that is needed more in the fight scenario, and if a friend or loved one is implicated, that need for conflict is heightened and strengthened. On the other hand, it can be easier to take flight and do nothing.

As someone who doesn’t like confrontation, I can recall being put in a position of protecting family, and the strength for the fight was found only as I dug deep. They were loved and worth it, and natural love showed itself in the action of fighting for their dignity and honour. Sadly they were not in a position to defend themselves, so someone had to step in.

Now as one who is older, and hopefully wiser, I am seeing signs that a child of God is under some kind of attack. It may not be physical, but possibly an emotional, psychological or a controlling spiritual abuse which is almost always invisible, at least to the casual onlooker. The indications are difficult to see, and so impossible to prove, but as is often the case, probably more evident when we know where to look, and can see the signs. Lord, help us to be first of all loving, then observant, responsible, and responsive.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11

User

We normally reserve the ‘user’ word for drug addicts, and in a derogatory way. It suggests a negative thing where someone is operating out of control, and in their own interests. After all, we are told that a drugs user will do anything to get the money for their next fix. There are well documented extreme cases of murder and prostitution being done by users to enable the next fix of the thing needed most. A sad state of affairs. Jesus was ‘used’ too, and there is a lesson for us here in this passage: “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.” Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Luke 8:45-47.

This woman used Jesus, but in a good way. She knew from reputation, that He might be her last and only hope. She was willing to take the chance, at the expense of her own reputation, so she acted. It might have gone wrong, but she was at the end of her rope, and took the biggest risk of her life, and yes, it paid off. She got what she wanted most in her life. She was a user, and was healed!

Thinking about it, we all get used in some way, and at some time, and sometimes for good, even if we don’t think of it that way. A baby ‘uses’ his/her mother for food and security, and the mother doesn’t mind. In fact she loves being used! As your family grows, your teenage kids will ‘use’ parents to ferry them around, do their laundry, clean their rooms, defend them before school teachers, and other parents, and these parents don’t mind being ‘used’. They love it. When we marry the person of our dreams, and are ‘used’ to do and get what our loved one wants, we do it willingly, and yes, we love it! So, being ‘used’ can be a good thing and also a very bad thing, and both will move our thoughts and actions to polar extremes. We will either end up loved/loving, or hated/hating. There seems to be no middle ground when you open yourself up to using someone, or being used.

However, in my opinion only, the worst kind of being ‘used’ is when you are convinced that you are doing good, and with the right motives, only to discover that you were being ‘used’ a bit like a drug addict uses someone to get what they want, and you are only a part of the process. In general, these ‘users’ do not see themselves as such, but only doing what they see as necessary to achieve their goal, whether it be drugs, or anything else for that matter.

This all raises an important question (I like to leave you with a question), does the end always/sometimes/never justify the means? Answers by ‘using’ the comments box (that’s another good use).